L.E.T.

Had a long talk with L, and felt comforted after it. My crashed self-value has been restored through the convincing words that came out from his mouth. He said that I have a quality that is hiddened so deep beneath that only individuals who care to spend time observing me would discover it. Wow! I wonder what that is 'cause he refused to tell me. 'You'd be too proud if you know' cheh...

However there's one weakness which he thinks I still need to get rid of -- 'ego, too high at times'. Err...

We've known each other since primary school right through secondary school. He is my brother, my senior, my instructor, now my part-time counsellor, haha. Along with O'Neil and the gang, these are the people who know my past, who have seen my fall, struggle and success, and chose to stay on in my life.

I told him about the dilemma I found myself to be in after a recent self-discovery: the situation, the individuals involved, the relations of these individuals, the worries that I have, and my position on the matter. He listened patiently then analysed to me in details, and gave some suggestions on how I should go about it. He also commented on me being more matured compared to the self known to him years ago, well I took that one with no guilt as I knew that I have gained that little maturity through bruises and tears, not merely sitting on couch shaking my legs, haha.

We ended the conversation 'cause my mom called, and I was so happy to listen to her voice. She and PaPa were on the way to church, they would attend the Sunday mass at St. Mark's Church, Batu Kawah this evening. Most of the time they will go to St. Ann's Church at Kota Padawan as my PaPa's sister (my Xiao Gu) always go there so it would be easier for PaPa to meet her. She works six days a week and usually stays with my elder aunt on working days.

L sms after the call, telling me that 'You're always my no 1',  followed by 'saya sentiasa doakan dikau mendapat kebahagiaan dalam hidup'. I dare to write this 'cause he's not reading my blog. haha. It is always sweet to know that others care about us, and No 1 somemore. But I don't want to be greedy on the no 1 matter, as long as I get to be the no 1 in the heart of the one I desired, the rest is ok, not in top 10 also I don't mind. What is the use if you get to be everyone's no 1 except for THE ONE you longed for? Get my point? *wink*

BUT (there's always a 'BUT') then again, the one I  desired might not be the one He wants me to have. So, have to push my head low and bow to obey His command, and be humble in allowing Him to work on me, in my life. Funny how I've changed overnight, since just a few days ago I was writing about prayers on single life lah, prayer for a good husband/wife lah... It proves that I am SO human, and that I haven't surrender myself 100% in His hands.

I understand I just need to let go, utterly, and let God does His work.

And here I ask you who is reading this blog post now, to pray with me, for me, on this matter. Pray that I may be humble and trust in God, and let Him leads. Amen. Thanks.