From a distance

As i looked at you from afar, i asked myself whether i have ever loved you before; then i realised the feelings developed was not love but infatuation, and it does not intensify. Distance should make the hearts grow fonder, make the feelings intensify; yet this feelings i have towards you fades away as i see less and less of you. Funny rite? There was a point in time where you made me felt that i was special in your eyes: your words, your actions, your care... Perhaps i was too lonely back then hence grasped on to the little kindness shown and misinterpreted it as the act of love from you.

I am always amazed by how God has made me came to the understanding on and the acceptance of my feelings towards you--through a third party. If it was not because of one particular incident, i would have still lived in my world of fantasy. Through an incident that seemed to be trifle yet left an impact in me, i was forced to face myself and my feelings nakedly, without hiding. It was then and many weeks after that that i slowly accepted the fact. It was painful and hurting, but with God's mercy and blessing i managed to pull through.

Like what a friend told me, 'He may be good, but he is not suitable for you. He is not ready to develop a serious relationship yet. I think he has blockages from his past that hinder him from getting into a relationship; or influence from family, which we never know unless he tells you. You, no doubt in term of thinking you are matured enough; yet you are not ready just yet, emotionally, to go into a relationship. You are still too dependant emotionally and that is not healthy in a relationship. You lack self-esteem and secure in man-woman relationship. You need to be more independant emotionally, and have more self-confidence as well as sence of security in a relationship. You must believe that you are worthy to be loved and you are capable of loving someone without being his burden. You need to surrender to God, let Him leads. Let the man comes to you, If a man is ready and serious, he will gather his courage and approach you. If he lacks the courage to even express his feelings at the first place, then how can you expect this man to shoulder the responsibility to be the head of a family?'

Yes, true.

It is a journey worth taking, this infatuation i have had towards you. For through all these i have unexpectedly became closer with God and began to see things from different angle. i actually owe you on this. Therefore, thank you. God knows who you are and may He rewards you on this.

Eat well, sleep well and stay healthy.